Kep
He/him
24
March 03
Alamos, Sinnoh
Homosexual
boy genius
Associate Scientist
sum of all and by them driven
TAG WITH @kepler
kepler brueshaber
[attr="class","sam-banner-up"] [attr="class","sam-banner-up-mini-top"] [attr="class","sam-banner-up-mini-top-cred"] x□ - Ashley Shepard [attr="class","sam-banner-up-blurb"]He hates himself, he realizes. Kepler’s no stranger to self-loathing; he spent the first thirteen years of his life feeling like an outsider in his own body, and, while that’d gotten better, it’d never really gone away. So it was easy to slip back into the murky, lukewarm waters of feeling unsuited, misshapen, wrong.
It still stings.
Ash takes his hand and Kepler’s skin is cold and clammy to the touch. He’s felt like a machine in the latter stages of powering down for days now; like he was just waiting for the moment when the last connection would go offline and then there would be nothing but darkness, welcoming darkness.
“I don’t want to.”
Stuck somewhere between wanting to forget and wanting to go back. Stuck, and having to 127 Hours his own arm off in order to be free again.
Ash pulls him and, stiffly, he rolls over; he doesn’t fight when his cheek comes to rest against Ash’s chest, though he does curl up, small, small, small. And for a second he’s happy to lay there and be, filtering down through the cracks like percolating coffee, but then Ash says that word and his voice cracks on a sob, recoiling.
“Don’t call me that. I’m not that.” It hurts, like a slap, and he knows-- he knows-- he’s being petulant, dramatic, but he can’t help it, his brain has been two misfiring gears clanging off-rhythm against each other for the last several hours, each new beat a painful jar. "I’m not anything, anymore.”
But Ash’s chest is broad and strong, and his body is warm, and familiar, and Kepler buries his face against it and sobs.
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